Just drive

Do you ever have those days? If you are a mom you know what I mean. The days when your kids just won't leave each other or you alone.  The days when you feel like one more thing will send you over the edge. The days when nothing seems to be going right. Today has been one of "those days." Here are two truths about me: I am a mom, and I am selfish. These two things have a hard time coexisting. Obviously, selfishness is not something I am proud of, but let's just be honest. Sometimes I don't have the patience or discipline to put my selfishness away. I just want to relax or have some quiet.

This morning I was trying to get ready so I could get going on what needed doing, and the boys were trying very hard to prevent any progress. I was getting upset, and it was time to make a choice. I could keep battling the boys to accomplish my goal, but this would likely lead to a mommy or child meltdown, or I could put off my goal, for a while, and just drive. Just driving is sometimes what I need when I am having one of "those days." I am not talking about running errands that require you to get the kids out of the car. I am talking about strapping the kids in their carseats, on opposite sides of the car, and just driving! Doing this can give me the break I need. I can have some time to think. Time to relax. Sure, I still talk to the kids about this tractor, that traffic light, etc, but the environment is controlled. They can't start fighting over a toy, hitting each other, or grab onto my legs in a desperate attempt to be picked up.

Today I swung by a friends house to grab something waiting on the porch. I then drove around town a bit to just let some time pass, and I ended up at a fast food place where I sat in the parking lot and filled my body with junk before driving home to make my boys a healthy organic lunch.  When I got home I felt more at ease. I was able to put the selfish side away and be a good mom. I still hadn't done what needed doing, but I felt much better.

Mom's we can't be perfect! In this age of scrapbooking, organic cooking, playdate hosting supermoms, it is easy to feel inadequate or the need to compete. But, if you want my advice (not that my three years of parenting experience makes me an expert) to be a good and loving mom to your kids, you have to remember to take care of yourself. You can't continue to sacrifice and sacrifice for your children without taking time to meet your own needs. If you try you will leave yourself empty. You won't be able to give anymore. You don't want to end up yelling, crying, or whatever your version of mommy melt down looks like so take action before that can happen. Get a sitter, go on a date, have a glass of wine, or if time won't allow for these things just drive.

1

Happy Birthday to my precious Caden! 

I can't believe you are already one. 

On July 6th of last year at 3am our busy first day together began when my water broke. We had been praying for you to decide it was time to come into the world, and I was so excited that the time was here! We arrived at the hospital a couple hours later so I could get started on antibiotics for group b strep. When the doctor came in to check on you and me he discovered that I had a second bag of water! Too weird! After two rounds of antibiotics I let the doctor break my other bag of water to speed things up. While we waited for you, daddy and I walked A LOT. We also ate Schlotzky's and watched the movie, Girl with a Pearl Earring. I would just relax and close my eyes during contractions.

After the movie the contractions began getting more intense. We put on some soft music, and I continued to relax while my body did the work. I felt I needed to go pee, and I knew it was almost time to meet you because I was very serious and a little snippy. I went into the bathroom, and that is where you were almost born! I didn't know if I would make it back to the bed, but somehow I did. Less than 5 minutes later at 3:48pm you were born. They placed you immediately on my chest. You were perfect! 7pounds, 9 ounces and 20 1/2 inches. I was so happy to finally be holding you. Those first moments together were perfect! I loved you so much immediately, and I have grown to love you more every day. I have been so blessed watching you grow this year. I love your playful personality! I know you are going to keep me busy, and I can't wait! You are such a gift! I am so thankful that God chose me to be your mommy! I love you, Caden! I hope your first birthday is wonderful!

A year ago

A year ago today I was 2 days overdue with Caden. I was big! Really, really big. I didn't expect to go over my due date. In fact, I thought he would be here early. Owen came 5 days early, so I crazily got my hopes up that Caden would grace us with his presence early too. Nope! Those last weeks seemed to drag on and on. All I wanted was to hold my sweet little baby in my arms, but instead I had to haul my 58 pounds heavier self around...in the Texas summer heat...with a two year old in tow. Everything took forever, and time seemed longer. How is it possible that a minute was still a minute, a day still a day, when it all seemed slower. I thought he would never come.

 Finally, on July 6, he was born. Then time, that had seemed to be crawling past, began to race. He was rolling, sitting, laughing, eating, crawling, standing all in the blink of an eye.




Now my little baby isn't so little. Wasn't it just yesterday that he was laying on my chest seeing the world for the first time? How has a year gone so quickly by? Time has played a trick on me, and I know it will continue to  do so. I will be fooled into thinking I have 17 more years until Caden is grown, but it won't really be that long. Not when I look back.  When I look back it will be a blur of memories. I'll have the dates recorded, proving that time was accurate. Seventeen years will have really passed, but just like this last year has passed in an instant, so will the rest. In 5 days my sweet Caden will be one. Then he'll be 2, 3, 4.... A minute will continue to be a minute. A day will still be a day, but don't let time fool you like it has me.